sometimes i go looking him in the hope that i wi find my friend anf my faith in him. that maybe someday we will be as close as we were. but seems rather too hopeful an this world seems rather unrealistic.

I'm a lil tired right now, emotionally tired. I want to rest.. find some peace.
Sometimes I wonder if with time I will forget him as well, forget that i had some really cute and memorable talks with him. other times i feel like no, this is not it. this cant be the end of such a wonderful friendship. i miss him. what more can i say. asupset as i was, as angry and offended as i was, i now miss him.

something strange has been happening since the past few weeks. i keep seeing him n my dreams. sometimes i fall asleep thinking of him but sometimes i dont and yet i dream of him.


One time i got the impression the wants to say sumthing to me but isnt able to but i find that hard to believe - hes not the shy kind.

we never talk in my dreams - except for last night. I thanked him for coming to a dance group lunch and he said it was alright without much of a smile). a girl in the lunch group took a liking to him and asked him out i think.he obliged.almost.

my favorite was where I saw him and his cuz and then a garden with orange flowers. i later looked u the symboliation to find that proange flowers symbolize nuturing,

I'm writing all this down because I dont want to forget how much i missed him ater our friendship broke off. that i felt so lost in the following weeks.

Someone was right, this world is a funny place and im living in the wrong century.


A palmist once said that I make lifelong friendships, so then how is that everytime I set my heart on someone, in time, it falls into pieces. Everytime I breathe life into something it fails to see me through.

This year has been a hard one, its been one of failures and losses of strength and courage and fortitude and diligence. Its been a long, sometimes cold year. I met one a many falses and yet I find my own ones bigger.

How often I find myself reflecting upon my actions to figure the rights and wrongs, the goods and the bad.

Often I find myself looking for a parent figure to look after me, whether it be work or home or life. Sometimes I wonder if God is looking down on me and smiling.

Somewhere in my heart I feel lost and I don’t know if its because of you. I don’t know why my heart sinks when I see you and why my mind stops functioning when I pass you. I don’t know why its so hard to get over you and I don’t know why my world stops when im in front of you.

mM..

In loving memory of mM..

I’m glad I found you and I don’t know how to thank you for what you’ve taught me. You changed the way I view relationships , expectations and my approach to love. Never had I come across someone so unconditionally giving and harmless as you. You are by far the most stunningly handsome man I have ever been in the presence of and yet there isn’t a hint of arrogance, pride, haughtiness in you. Instead, you lean over to give every inch of comfort and forgiveness.

I cannot describe how much I enjoy sharing my thoughts with you.
Your friend, aA

If..

What if you've been unconfortable for so long that being uncomfortable feels comfortable and finding a comfort spot actually feels uncomfortable.

Aaj Phir Aankhon Mein Nami Hai..

Ki tu jeele, bus ek yeh khawaish hai..